birds that were watching the sunset with me
me thinking stuff over. and over and over and over and over and over. everyday, sunset.
my brother
no shit
"Moralne Salto"
K jak Kornel
K jak Klucz
Głodne oczy nakarmi
H jak Henryk
H jak Hipokryta
Dawno i nieprawda
K jak Kasia
K jak Księżyc
W kuchni palnik z gazem
Przeciąg trzaska złudzeniami
My nie dzieli się przez trzy
Opowiedz mi jeszcze raz, jak umarła Sylvia Plath?
A poem I wrote sometime ago. The pictures above are photos from about 2 weeks ago, I went to my Grandparents and did literally nothing. Well, apart from maybe thinking. My favourite time to think stuff over was sunset. I used to sit on the pier and think about K. Back then there was some chance we would go to Woodstock together. Now there's none. I dreamt about him. I missed him. All this thinking made me feel terribly lonely sometimes. I hate being lonely. Like in a sense "nobody wants me, nobody would even notice if I drowned" not in a sense I'm back from a party, now some lonely time. The second time is a good lonely because you have some memories and things you yet have to think over. But a week for thinking stuff over is too much, a week without talking normally ("pass the salt" is not normal) drove me insane. I hate not having friends near me and that's what scares the shit out of me. With people I can talk to at an arm's reach I feel safe and secure, like nothing can bad touch me.
That's why I'm afraid I won't survive Turkey. I'm only going with my family and I'm scared this won't be enough people to keep me from thinking too much. Cause when I think to much, I dream too much. And when I dream too much I end up disappointed. Because my dreams don't come true and I wish that someday at least one of them would happen.
Being lonely for two weeks is one thing. Things changing back at home is another. I'm afraid I won't catch up with everything, that I'll loose G, that W will end up with K and that everyone will be gossiping about me even more than they are now. I am afraid that my form will have another million meetings and I won't get the chance to meet them beforehand.
Oh god, my worries are so fucking complex.
