I'm such a coward! It's impossible! It's unbeliveable! COWARD COWARD COWARD.
Reason One: I handed L a letter which actually said well, got off my back, but in a very, very poetic and nice way. Yes, I've been too afraid to tell him myself. And I felt really really bad afterwards.
Reason Two: O, who I suspected fancied me, fancies me. He asked me out. I quickly said that I'm going to Gdańsk with my mother, which is unfortunately a big fat lie, I'm going on a Sunday. I said that Sunday was no good either because... and I don't remember what I said! And since I really have plans... Wow, shit, I'm clever and then Monday I said I'm meeting up with W, which is also not true at all. So now as you can see I'm in a really fucked up position, very fucked up indeed.
Since I belive that L was in love with me and I broke his heart, and now O, who's heart I'm going to have to break as well. And that's all in ONE WEEK. I mean, seriously. The worst thing about O is that he's impossible to avoid, because we have english together 2 times a week.
While I was walking back with him from English tonight, obssesing about what L might think of me and what on earth will happen to his heart after he reads my fucking letter. O told me to fuck it, he said who cares, he said he's stupid.
L is anything but stupid. Here is something I wrote about him on tumblr 5 months ago. Enjoy.
he is definitely one of the strangest people on earth.
to prove my point:
* he learned by heart my number when i told him to erase it from his phone
* he brought me tea to school
* he remebers the date when i told him never to talk to me again
* he calls mountain dew a monkey
* he gives me records and i never listen to them and i think he knows, but still gives me them
* he never writes commas and dots and makes a lot of spelling mistakes when he writes which is kind of cute
* he doesn’t like crowds and prefers to fix something but hangs out with a lot of people at a time
* he wasn’t mad at me when i told him i lost his sister’s book
* he used to write me every single day
* he likes to blow up stuff
* he likes me
* he’s texting me right now, although he knows my heart has been broken because of him so many times
@5 months ago
