showin' off my nail polish
the flag of a hell of a country
view from the plane window at sunset
from the plane
a girl i met there
k
just like the best book ever
ice cold moijto+ sunscream = pleasant survival
firedancer, i think he had a thing for me.
me trying very hard to look cool. made especially hard by the heat (40 degrees)
cheap nail polish is cheap
flames of chimera
Gözleme (jyuuuuuum)
my brother. who knew watermelon made people so happy.
I came from Turkey a few days ago but I had to get the photos together.
When I was leaving I was afraid everything would change. It didn't really do at all that much to be honest. G's still my best friend and W still keeps doing things that are so unlike her. B still does crazy stuff, accompanied by M. Z is off somewhere with others having a great laugh. So really, nothing's changed.
While I was in Turkey I felt as attractive as fuck. Every waiter would smile at me and every bartender would flirt with me. All the guys turned their heads when I walked. And I neglected them all, thank god Turk's know the meaning of the word 'flirt' and can use it fluently. Although I didn't let anyone get near me I liked to look into other men's eyes, they all varied so much, it was a very interesting study. The man that intrigued me the most was a bartender with beautifully brown eyes. I remember him spinning my bottle in his hands and looking at me at the same time. I cought the water, and went away, smiling to myslef.
Another thing I loved about my vacation in Turkey was the fact that I didn't have to think about anything - no future, no past: just me and my skincolor changing, highlights in my hair and the heat. Not for one moment I cared if W's talking with K or if Z is with her lover or if my new form had fun at our mate's party. I didn't care, I didn't even have to think about it. And now that I'm back, I have to, worring is part of the routine.
When I was in Turkey there was one quite magic moment in my stay there. Me and my family where at dinner. It was beautiful - the sea humming in me ear, the moonlight casting shadows on the water and in the background a man with an acoustic guitar. He played all of our favourite songs - Stairway to Heaven, The Unforgiven and all the classics. We asked the man to sit with us. He played the songs we wanted for him to play. Looking at the moon made me realise how prescious this moment was, so intimate. We were the last one to leave the restaurant. Bewildered by the skill of the guitar player we walked, enchanted. When I woke up the next morning I was sure it didn't really happen, I was sure it was just my imagination, I thought that if it really had happend it would have left some impact on my life but the next morning I was no different from the K the morning before. I will treasure the thoughts of this night forever, always when I close my eyes I can see the moon's reflection in the waters and the sea singing to the musician's guitar. Magic.
During my stay there I listened to a lot of Cat Power. I got the record "You Are Free" and it made me realize: "that's exactly what I am - free". I can do anything I want to just because I can. Nobody can forbid me to do the things I derive pleasure from. I am free to hurt myself, free to jump from tall buildings and survive all those falls. Live the life to it's fullest. Because the only person that's stopping me is me.
